Stuck in my mind

I have been trying to write. Not much is coming out. A paragraph here or there that is disjointed and never gets off the ground is all I've been able to produce recently. I think about writing every single day. I can't get the words out. I have so much stress in my life right now and not enough functionality to deal with it.

I feel guilty.

I feel I was put here to write stories, and I'm not doing what I am supposed to be doing. Instead, I'm dealing wtih all the things that are necessary to survive this society. Working, errands, chores. There isn't anything left of me except an unmotivated lump.

Ideas Without Form

One of the main problems I have with writing is when I come across ideas that won't take form. These ideas press against my brain but I can't capture and mold them into coherent stories. This, I think, is part of my racing thoughts and specifically flight of ideas. I have this symptom very regularly and it gets frustrating. I want to be able to write at will and not be dragged along by my uncooperative brain.

I'm hoping that soon some of these shapeless ideas start to stick together and give me some inspiration. I feel the urge to write but I don't have the mental stamina to make it real right now.

Story Update: A Cluttered Mind

I've added another story to A Cluttered Mind, once again following the same story thread as the dystopian world effected by sever global warming. You can read it here:
http://aclutteredmindstory.blogspot.com/

The question is whether to continue posting these stories into the Cluttered Mind blog or to give them their own story blog. I am trying to simplify for the time being to keep from losing more projects or taking on more than I can handle. This fictional future is very much clinging to my thoughts and so for now I'm just writing what comes to mind. I feel it's a better effort than not writing at all. Of course, I could fall off into another heavy writer's block, so I'm treading cautiously and not wanting to promise too much to myself.

Thank you for reading!

Story Update: A Cluttered Mind

I've updated with another short story in A Cluttered Mind. It follows along the same dystopian world as the first story, set in the same world. I feel a thread for this story pretty strongly and may stick to it for a while.

You can read it here:
http://aclutteredmindstory.blogspot.com/

I like the end of the world without the end of the world genre. The downfall of society, the after effect. This world we live in is full of imaginary things that we then give power. Money and Credit are two of these powerful, imaginary objects. The recent government shut down is just an example of how imaginary money really is, and credit for that matter. Does anyone think anyone can ever pay back a trillion dollars?

Our society hinges on these imaginary things, and that's why I like the after effect dystopia genre. Life would go one without these things. No one is a dollar sign, no one is a credit rating. And with the news of the possible impending climate change, I'm inspired to write this world where the climate (which is very real as opposed to zombies,) ends the world as we know it.

I'd like to start working on Aftermath again, but right now that well is dry. If this story continues, I may put Aftermath away and switch it out with this story instead. That's what happens sometimes with stories. They are living things and one idea may fall apart and another takes it's place.

Thank you for reading!

Too Many Ideas

One problem I struggle with is that I either have no ideas or, alternately, too many at once. With time constraints and thought pattern fluctuations, I struggle to write in both settings. Finding the perfect balance of ideas and time can be very difficult.

Even with endless days and time, I still struggle to write. I know this from previous experience. I used to blame my writer's block on simple things like a lack of inspiration. Over time, however, I come to see that writer's block is a complex animal. In the end, I think it isn't something that can be completely avoided.

My one hope is to continue writing whenever I am able. Instead of becoming angry at myself during a dry spell, I just need to wait it out. The ability to write is like the tide. Either it's rolling in or out, and sometimes it's a tsunami.

Story Update: A Cluttered Mind

I've made a change to my story blogs in that I'm turing A Cluttered Mind into a collection of short stories. I have a lot of ideas that suddenly fizzle out. I was thinking I should write these into short stories at the least. Even if I never go back to them, at least I was able to practice and get my ideas out. I'm also hoping it will be easier to update instead of trying to work on a larger project.

The first story is called Another Hot Day, and I was inspired to write it based on the current news that we can expect global warming to make noticable global changes in the year 2020 in tropical regions, and by 2045 in areas such as New York. I was thinking about how that is within my lifetime, how old I would be, and how grown my boys will be by then. I was thinking about what would happen to society, the changes that would be made, and how being dependant on government and economy would make it impossible for us to migrate the way our caveman ancestors would have done.

You can read the story here.

http://aclutteredmindstory.blogspot.com/

Thanks!

Starting to get ideas again

I've been having a long drought of ideas. Plus my work has kept me mentally supressed with projects and stress. But, I'm starting to get some ideas for stories. I'm hoping that things calm down at work. I'm hoping my mind clears so that I can write properly. I'd really like to get one of my stories completed at least. I'm hoping to update something again soon. I wish that my mind would focus and stay clear for longer periods of time.

Story Update: Aftermath

Today I was able to post an update for Aftermath. Please be aware I've been struggling with my cognition so if anything doesn't make sense let me know. I just really wanted to get an update up since it has been so long.

Today I introduce a villain to the story. He is very evil and deluded, believing he is on the side of good. His is a harsh personality and he is very cruel, as are his men.

Thank you for your patience. Sometimes writing is very challenging for me unfortunately, but it is still something I love even when I can't manage to get my brain in order to complete an update.

Working Again

I've started working on a new chapter for Aftermath. My mind has been very off center for a while but I think it's coming back. This happens to me from time to time. I hope to have it up in the next day or two.

Story Update: Writing again slowly but surely

The good news is I've had a little bit of brain power to spare recently. Yesterday I started working on the next installment for Angel in Black. Also, I've been having some inspirational stirrings for Aftermath. I'm really hoping to suddenly get a flood of ideas and the words will come.

In other news, this has been a pretty long block and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get through it. Thank you to everyone who is reading. Don't give up on me!

Story News: Writer's block and lots of stress at work

Right now my work is going through a major overhaul of all of our educational materials. This is taking up a lot of creative energy from me. Also, this is an extremely busy time of year for us in general, so it's like a double dose of too much to do and too much stress.

I have a block on all my stories right now, but I'm starting to feel a stirring of ideas for Aftermath especially. I am hoping once the class overhaul is done things will start to go back to normal. Also, things normally slow down in the summer.

I'm sorry I have not been able to write for so long. I hate when this happens to me, but I am learning to accept it is part of my brain cycle and not to get frustrated.

Thank you!

Story New: Major Writer's Block

My manic phase has faded off. Instead, now my mind is racing but my ideas are a swirl of choas. Once again, I'm facing terrible writer's block. To add to it, work continues to be very stressful. It's actually bringing me to tears these days.

I am hoping in the next few days to the next week things will settle down. I just have to remember that writer's block always passes. But it feels like an eternity when you're in the middle of it.

Story News: Low Mood and Too Many Projects

My week hasn't turned out like I'd hoped. I've had a lot of projects at work and on top of it, I've felt very low and depressed. I haven't been able to get my creative mind in the right space at all.

I am hoping that in the next few days some inspiration will strike.

Thank you for being patient with me!

Story News: Feeling Down

This weekend I feel like I've hit a wall. My mind is racing but my mood is sinking, becoming muddled and irritated. This is not a good writing space, and I've been here before. I have the idea for the next segment of Angel in Black, but the words just slip out of my hands.

I am stuck regarding Aftermath and A Cluttered Mind right now, too.

I still have my goal. I need to update something. I will try to update Aftermath as that is my project based on writing even if I can't seem to get a grasp on what I want to say.

I just feel really low right now. I know I'll come out of it. Maybe I can force myself out of it.

Story News: Feedback is Good

Today I am pleased I joined authonomy. It appears a huge section of chatper one of Angel in Black was missing. I don't know how it ended up being deleted, and maybe huge is a strange word. It isn't huge in size, but in importance. Anyway, thanks to comments there, I discovered this error and fixed it. I've updated all of chapter one here as well. (labeled One, Two, Three.)

So far things are going well over there. I'm trying to be more relaxed about the whole situation. My mantra has become "I haven't finished writing this story yet, I can't make it perfect until it is completed."

But, such a big error was something that had to be fixed.

I keep trying to write the next chapter of A Cluttered Mind. I don't know why it's so hard for me to write about things that are true. At first I was inspried and it came smoothly. Now, it's just a mess of rambling words. I think that particular project is one that I should go slowly on and only work on it with pure inspiration. Also, as I said, I think I was a bit manic when I decided to start writing it.

I think I'm still a bit more manic, but I'm coming down. My focus is running wild.

My goal for the coming week is:

Update Aftermath

Update Angel in Black

Anyway, thanks for reading! Please leave a comment if you want.

Story Update: Angel in Black chapter 23

Another update for Angel in Black is now posted! You can find it here:
http://angelinblackstory.blogspot.com/

I am very pleased with the outcome of this chapter. I feel that it is going smoother than it did the first time I wrote it, and that is great! I think it's more cohesive than before.

In other news, putting my work on authonomy.com is going well so far. I have 3 comments and 2 backings for Angel in Black. I am still nervous.

One of my issues is that when people give me  notes on things to edit, I am driven to do it immediately. I get into this frame of mind that I don't know what I'm doing and the commenter does, and their notes are more important than finishing the work. Instead of writing, I start editing. I get caught in this compulsive cycle of editing but no writing, and it is not productive. This time, I'm going to take the notes, put them on hold, and then I'll go back once I get into the editing process and fix things. Write now the most important thing is for me to keep writing, and to not try to be perfect right from the start.

That is the point of these story blogs, after all.

If you would like to check out Angel in Black at authonomy, here is the link:
http://authonomy.com/books/38291/angel-in-black/

There are also many other good works on the site by those hoping to be published. If you like to read but are not able to purchase a lot of books, it's a great place to go.

Anyway, thank you so much as always for reading. Feel free to leave comments here or on the stories themselves.

Story News: Taking a Chance

There is a site called authonomy.com. It is run by Harper Collins and the point is for the masses to upload their stories and by way of reader votes, they choose five books a month to publish. I was part of this a long time ago, but gave up due to the harsh feed-back and know it all attitudes of the readers. Also, when I finally was confronted with how many "writers" are out there, it was very disheartening. I had always believed that being a good writer was an uncommon talent, and that publishing wasn't that difficult. During my time at authonomy in 2009, I discovered that your chances of publishing a fantasy novel were 1:150,000. It broke my spirit.

Well, I've decided that I want to give it another try with Angel in Black. My screen name over there is reginna.x if you'd like to check it out. I haven't uploaded enough of Angel in Black there yet to be live. I'm going to do that this evening and will update the story blog once it is complete. I've done a basic edit of the first five chapters (or as we know them, chapter one through twenty-two,) in preparation for this. I didn't change much, however; since I want the raw feedback.

Authonomy can be overwhelming, because people want you to read an critique their stuff as well, and with my cognitive issues that doesn't work for me as often. I'll do what I can. I'm not going to drive myself over the edge with this. But, I'd like a bit more feedback on where I'm at, and I know I will get it there; positive, negative and hopefully constructive. I want to do this because I am considering looking into a full blown edit of my large, "completed" project, and to look into publishing through Amazon.

If you check it out, then you'll also see I have another project on there called Process. I haven't made that project into a story blog yet, although I am considering it. However; three stories at once is enough for now. I need to limit myself.

In other news, I'm working on the next chapter of Angel in Black. I will update again later this week. I'm still working on the next chapter of A Cluttered Mind as well.

Thank you for reading as always! Please feel free to leave a comment.

Story Update: Angel in Black chapter 22

Today I've updated Angel in Black. You can find it here:
http://angelinblackstory.blogspot.com/

What a great way to start the week! Another story updat!

I've taken Angel in Black in a slightly different direction than what I had done before. I feel it's better this way than it was. This is one time where I'm glad I lost the original, because before I had been stuck at this point for quite a while. As I said, we're getting closer to something very exciting! It should happen in the next few chapters.

I hope everyone is enjoying my stories. I'm working on the next update for A Cluttered Mind. I should have it in the next few days. But, I might have more Angel in Black this week as well.

In other news, I'm considering starting work on my finished novel. It's my 150,000 page work that I completed when I was 24. I'm thinking about cuttingit into a trilogy and doing some major editing. I have it saved on a disk right now gathering dust. But, I'm thinking about seeing what it would take to publish it on Amazon instead of a story blog. You know, a real book with real pages would be pretty awesome. But, it will all depend on how much that costs, since I don't have a lot of extra money for publishing. Plus, it does require major editing and trimming, which means it won't be any time soon. I will keep everyone updated on that decision. I don't want to make it while manic.

As always, thank you so much for reading. Please leave a comment if you'd like either here or on the story itself.

Story Update: Aftermath Chapter 8

I really am feeling confident these days. That's great! It's been a while since I've felt that way. So, here is today's update of Aftermath:
http://aftermathstory.blogspot.com/

Today we continue to follow our mystery girl on her adventure. I was having fun with her, and I think building the fortifications is kind of boring to explain. I felt the last chapter at the town was pretty dull. And, in this chapter we finally learn the name of our lovely heroine.

In other news, I have restarted my old twitter account. I'll be tweeting updates there. And, once I get my new phone next month, probably other random thoughts as well. If you're interested you can find me @ReginnaX.

My home keyboard doesn't have a backspace key. It is very hard for me to write at home because of this. As you may imagine, having cognitive difficulties means I need to correct errors quite often. So, highlighting with the mouse to delete and fix is very annoying at times. However; I am very much committed to continue my quest for writing even with such silly obstacles.

Thank you as always for reading! Please leave a comment if you'd like.

Story Update: Aftermath Chapter 7

As promised, I have posted chapter seven of Aftermath. You can find it here:
http://aftermathstory.blogspot.com/

I am very pleased with this chapter. When I started writing it, I felt very bogged down and had no idea where it was going or where I wanted to take it. But then, like a crack of lightning, it was suddenly in my mind and flowing out the way all of my best chapters will. Stories have minds of their own, I swear!

Considering this is a story based on the idea that I need to write even if I feel I have no ideas, I think it's going very well.

In other news, I have a new inspiration brewing. It's very small and unsteady right now. I'm probably a bit manic. But, I might go with it if I come up with a title. (One of my odd little truths is I can't write the story if I don't know it's name.) Don't be surprised if another story blog appears on the list in the near future.

As always, thank you so much for reading! Please leave any comments you may have.